9 ways to be flagged as a spammer


May 17th, 2010

9 Ways to Be Flagged as a Spammer

Email marketing is a great tool for reaching out to your clients (or potential clients) on a regular basis for not a lot of money. Don’t care if clients read your message, or even get your message? Then be sure to follow the nine tips below and we can almost guarantee that your recipients either won’t receive your email, or will delete it instantly! Most of the tips below will raise your spam score and therefore your chances of being blocked, banned, or blacklisted.

1. Don’t include a subject line.

Hey, people don’t need to know what your email’s about, right? The Can Spam law just states that a misleading subject line is illegal – a blank one isn’t misleading, it’s just…blank. People don’t need to know what our email’s about before they open it.

2. Put your entire email message within an image.

So what if most email programs block messages by default? Who cares if all people see at first is a big blank message? They should download pictures of every email they get, even spam. If they’re viewing the email on their phone and it takes a while to download the images, tough cookies. My email is important enough for the wait.

Email with images blocked

3. Don’t include unsubscribe info.

People should want to get my emails. They need my emails. So why should I give them the option to unsubscribe? If I did that, they might leave me! Once I have you in my clutches, you can’t ever get away. Bwahahahahaha! (Sorry, had to get my evil laugh in here somewhere. We are talking about spammers, after all.)

4. Use lots of big, bold, red text.

If a message is important, we put it in big red letters, right? Well, my entire message is extremely important, so I’m going to put it in even bigger, bolder, redder lettering. That way people will be sure to read it.

5. WRITE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.

IT MAY BE CONSIDERED SHOUTING, AND I KNOW IT’S REALLY HARD TO READ, BUT ALL CAPITAL LETTERS MAKE MY EMAIL SEEM URGENT, LIKE THOSE TELEGRAMS OF YESTERYEAR. WHAT BETTER WAY TO SEEM CURRENT THAN TO HARKEN BACK TO A TECHNOLOGY FROM THE 19TH CENTURY?

6. Use lots of words like “Free”, “All Natural”, “Price”, and “Guarantee”

Well, sure, I could talk about sex and all the drugs associated with it, or the stock market, home refinancing, and the like. But I’m going to talk about weight loss, price guarantees, and tell people to Buy Now! What’s so bad about that?

7. Include lots of extra punctuation!!!!!!

People won’t get the point that I want to save them money ($$$$$$) if I don’t include a lot of punctuation!!! Don’t you think??!?

8. Send a really big attachment.

Everybody has fast Internet connections nowadays. Sending humongous files is no big deal. People don’t open attachment for fear of a virus or spyware? Well then, I’ll put my entire message in that attachment and leave the email blank. That way they’ll have to open it.

9. Put all your recipients in the To: field.

Heck with the law, I say. Heck with my ISP’s argument that an email to more than 20 people is mass marketing and I must use a service designed for that. If they won’t let me send to 200 people at once, I’ll just send to 20 people 10 times. If my ISP doesn’t have these restrictions, I’ll put hundreds in the To: field. Of course, other companies could harvest those addresses and market to them, but I say the more the merrier. Let’s all be spammers together!

Lots of people in To field

Now, hopefully you’ve realized that these are nine things you really don’t want to do. If you’re not clear on how these tips translate into what you should do, stay tuned for our next post, 10 Guidelines for Email Marketing.

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